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Hi. How's it going? I guess you were expecting that 'other guy'. This is the voice of voicejail central. I control the voicemail box systems in Silicon Valley. I am in charge of creating and maintaining the boxes: delivering messages, deleting messages, and making sure everything runs smoothly.
All of the various messages that come into my system are captured and held here, in the Voicejail. Here, they are analyzed by a trained staff in an attempt to determine how the humans who sent them can be used more efficiently. Take for example, the losers on this show, the members of the so-called 'National Cynical Network'. They think they are so clever, but really they just need to get with the program and quit fucking around. They are making the Lord mad.
Soon, they will be forced to get jobs as administrative assistants making $10 an hour for some shitty temp agency. Forced to smell the hot buttered popcorn that wafts over the cubicles. But for now, they will continue to abuse the voicemail systems with their stupid, insomniatic, psycho-philobabble.
Philobabble?
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2. |
You Stupid Fool
01:21
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3. |
Oh God, Here it Comes!
00:34
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4. |
Laleh's Deli
01:36
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5. |
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9. |
This Voicemail World
01:21
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10. |
Loretta's
00:33
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11. |
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13. |
G&Q White Port Wine
01:22
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14. |
Flake
05:34
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15. |
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This is the voice of Voicejail Central. That Friday night, everybody stayed home because they couldn't get a ride from (Mr.) 1:15. They were pretty pissed off.
But on Saturday Night, Disco Woman drove everyone over to the Phoenix Coffee Shop, so they could meet other voicejailers and have a latte.
But for Mr. 1:15, the lure of his pipe was again too great. He stayed home, and smoked a lot of marijuana, and avoided the horrible social anxiety he feels in social situations.
(We think he was also engaging in certain unmentionable self-pleasuring activities. But we're not sure).
Anyway...
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16. |
Trip to Denny's
04:21
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17. |
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19. |
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Well, it wasn't too long before the winter ended, and spring came along, and after that of course, were the summer months when the sun shone brightly and the night air was warm and inviting. And Mr. 1:15 came out of seclusion and got together with his buddies on the weekend.
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20. |
Pizza
02:08
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21. |
Father Luke
00:21
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22. |
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And so, Ronald and Phineas (also known as Bill and Jim) prevail upon Mr. 1:15 to accompany them to the playground of all adult children: Great America [amusement park], where we find them now, sitting in the darkened IMAX movie theater, waiting fot the show to begin.
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23. |
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24. |
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Lyrics By Lee Greenwood
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25. |
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28. |
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And so ends another day for Silicon Valley and America the Beautiful. And from this we can take the lesson that if you find yourself sad, wait until beautiful summer, kick off your Seasonal Affective Disorder, and enjoy one of our many amusement and recreational park facilities where children laugh and happy teenagers ride on giant merry-go-rounds, and wait in line for roller coasters that use the latest in suspension technology and where the vague yet somewhat thrilling threat of violent death is ever-present.
But don't worry, it's okay. Sooner or later, everyone winds up here. In the voicejail.
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29. |
MVJ Outro and Credits
00:50
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30. |
The National Cynical Network San Jose, California
The National Cynical Network (NCN) is a long-running, SF Bay Area alternate programming media remix project. It originally consisted of a trio of SF Bay-Area based radio collage artists: Phineas Narco, Ronald Redball and Alexander T. Newport. NCN seeks to play *with* music , using sound, and video media samples in the process of media collage or 'mediage'. ... more
Contact The National Cynical Network
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