Phinny Sings! (Covers and Parodies)

by Phineas Narco

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about

Phineas sings (mostly) without auto-tune. These are the best copies of all Phinny's cover and parody songs.

These are more or less meant to be humorous.

Some of the songs relate to Subgenius. For more information on Subgenius and X-Day go to www.sugenius.com

This program is meant to be listened to, and taken, as a whole work, artistic in nature. Subsequently, more derivative tracks are not available separately.

All derived and referenced material used herein is meticulously accredited and/or fragmented / transformed / re-contextualized, and/or remixed from its original form, and is used fairly as a cultural reference in the subtext, and artistic narrative, of this unique 'syntopical' arrangement.

Any proceeds from this work are considered donations to express appreciation for, and to help support, the expenses of the project this program is a part of, and the creative work behind it, and is not a prerequisite fee in exchange for content.

Thank you for listening, and thank you for your support.

credits

released August 29, 2012

Phineas Narco; Various

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about

The National Cynical Network San Jose, California

The National Cynical Network (NCN) is a long-running, SF Bay Area alternate programming media remix project. It originally consisted of a trio of SF Bay-Area based radio collage artists: Phineas Narco, Ronald Redball and Alexander T. Newport. NCN seeks to play *with* music , using sound, and video media samples in the process of media collage or 'mediage'. ... more

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Track Name: Jello (Parody)
ain't got no teeth but I need something to chew
so guess what I did do--I had some jello

I had some gum some soup and pudding too
but I'm just someone who likes to eat jello

I ate so much my belly started to hurt
I threw up on my shirt and it was all jello

I love to pierce the chewy skin on top
it's fun to poke it and to make it pop
do you know, you know I love it so
I love my jello so

I went to see The Dead Kennedys
The singer happened to be named Jello
went to see the women's wrestling
and they were wrestling in jello

Later that night, the waiter said to me
'maybe you'd like to try some raspberry'

I said 'no thanks, I'll have the strawberry'
But he just looked at me

(Booper solo)

I went to sleep my stomach full of goo
and then I woke up to more jello
I have it for my lunch and dinner too
Oh nothing else will do....
Track Name: On My Meds Again (Parody)
On my meds again
I really need to get on my meds again
my manic spells are losing me all of my friends
and I can't wait to get on my meds again

On my meds again
I've been places that I've never been
gotta take my Zyprexa and my Klonopin
and I can't wait to get on my meds again

On my meds again
Cuz when I go off them I go down the highway
I'm at odds and ends with strangers should be going my way
and they all say

On your meds again
You really need to get on your meds again
Maybe when you do we can
make some amends

Get on your meds again

(pill bottle shaking)

On my meds again
Cuz when I go off them I go down the highway
I'm at odds and ends with strangers should be going my way
and they all say

On your meds again
Gotta stop smokin' that brown Mexican
Maybe when you do
we can just start again

But for right now, get on your meds again
Track Name: Cynical Girl (Parody)
I wanna live with a cynical girl
I could be happy the rest of my life
With a cynical girl

She sneers at the news casts that run in the night
And jeers at the people who live in the limelight
My cynical girl

Voting to her is a big waste of time
The joiners and savers are out of their minds
For my cynical girl

Corrupt politicians in it for themselves
The businessmen don't care 'bout nobody else
But my cynical girl

Wow, is she jaded now
time has made her somehow
I guess she'll move to France
If she ever gets the chance

Yeah Yeah Yeah!
Track Name: Tom Cruise Crazy (Cover)
Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she's a very special lady
It's probably not the way he'd choose to go

But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he's not gay anymore

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it's him, not you
If you had Tom Cruise's troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
You'd flash your big white shiny smile
And buy expensive shoes
But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise is always getting older
He knows he'll never be that young again
And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder
He sees a thousand younger leading men

He knows someday he'll have to play
An old, retarded grandpa
While someone younger plays his sexy son

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it's him, not you
If you had Tom Cruise's troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
You'd flash your big white shiny smile
And buy expensive shoes
But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there's a place for him
Because he's not of this world anymore

Somewhere in some secluded castle
Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall
And the outside world is always such a hassle
Sometimes he won't go out at all

There are millions who know his name
Everybody loves him
Why is it that he feels so alone?

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it's him, not you
If you had Tom Cruise's troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too
You'd flash your big white shiny smile
And buy expensive shoes
But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no
You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise
Track Name: Masters of RIAA (Parody)
Come, you RIAA
You that sue all the sites
You that tear down the torrents
You that fight dirty fights
You that haven't got gonads
You that cease and desist
I just want you to know
We are going to resist

You that never done nothin'
But your lawyers employ
to stop us from file-sharing
You your minions deploy
You put a suit in my mailbox
and you take me to court
'less I pay I the money
you try to extort

Like Ulrich of old
Napsterizing your greed
Slithering through the courtrooms
Sowing your evil seed
You send out your subpoenas
to the children in schools
you're a cowardly pack
of goddamn little fools

Let me ask you one question
are the settlements good?
does it make us by cd's
as you wish that it would?
I think you will find
When your law bills come due
that they'll never be covered
by all the people you sue

And I hope you go broke
And you'll file bankruptcy
as your towers of power
collapse into the sea
and your old business models
sink into their death bed
and you forever in hell
give Justin Bieber head
Track Name: Steve Buscemi Eyes (Parody)
Her face is pretty old
It looks like two eggs, fried
and though this may sound cold
she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes

She'll turn those glass-balls on you
and you'll have to look twice
they're bulging out right at you
she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes

She looks mellow, cheeks are sallow,
like that Reservoir Dogs fellow
looks like E.T. when she blinks she
looks like meatballs in linguini

All her boyfriends say she looks high
she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes

She'll let you take her home
she won't put up a fight
but when she takes her shades off
she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes

And her eyelids look like hemorrhoids
Yes, she needs to check her thyroid
Looks atrocious and she knows just
what it takes to make us nauseous

All the doctors think she will die
she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes
Track Name: Fad World (Parody)
All around me on the TV stations
air-brushed faces, cute catch-phrases

latest gizmos, latest fashion statements
come from nowhere, going nowhere

latest social network meeting places
not in person, not in person

can't keep track of all the trends to follow
here today and gone tomorrow

and I guess it makes me happy
though it sometimes make me sad
I heard that last night's ratings
were the best they've ever had

just search for it on youtube
we can watch it at your pad

It's the latest thing to check out
in this very very fad world
fad world

Did you see the biggest film last weekend?
made a million, made ten million
got an iPhone, I was first in line when
they came out with the new version

walk around and listen to my iPod
makes me feel good, makes me feel good

Got an email pic of Britney's crotch once
made me sport wood, made me sport wood

And perhaps it's kind of cheesy
and perhaps it's kind of sad
when they come out with Shrek 4
I'm gonna see it with my dad

Did you see the Star Trek reboot?
the new Spock is not that bad
but what passes here for culture
is a very, very fad world,

fad world
mediocre world
fad world
Track Name: All Fucked Up (NSFW Parody)
Well bless my soul
what's wrong with me?
I took some crank and some LSD
I drank port wine from a big brown jug
I'm on drugs, I'm all fucked up

Mmmmm hmmm hey hey

Well, my hands are shaky
and my knees are weak
The smack I shot is about to peak
I think I need to have my stomach pumped
I'm on drugs, I'm all fucked up

Mmmmm hmmm hey hey

Well, please don't ask me
what I hear and see
Cuz there's a big brown sausage
and it's talkin' to me

Well I sweat and I think
'if I forget to breathe
my heart will stop and
all my fans will grieve'

Well I took 12 pills
so I could come on down
I even drank a six pack
of Royal Crown
and then I ate a Reese's
peanut butter cup
I took drugs
I'm all fucked up

Well my tongue gets swollen
and my eyes bug out
I don't even know what the hell
I'm talkin' about

There's only one cure that
will ease my mind
I'm gonna take a big crap
on that porceline of mine

Well it touched my butt
and what a chill I got
my heart seized up
from an old blood clot
whoever'd a thought
this is where I'd drop

I took drugs

(Heart attack)

I'm all fucked up
Track Name: I Wanna Play at KPFA (Parody)
Look at this room full of neat stuff
can you tell me how much stuff is enough?
wouldn't you think I"m the guy
guy who has everything?

Look at this room, treasures untold
how much equipment
can one bedroom hold?

Lookin' around here you'd think
'Sure, he's got everything'

I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want reverb machines?
I've got twenty
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more

I wanna play at KPFA
I wanna be
wanna be there mixin'
playin' around with those
what do you call them?
Oh, carts!

I wanna be up there by the Bay
I've got some shows that I'm fixin' up now
mixin' it up with that hip crowd
of liberal farts

Wanna be there
cuz they don't care
what kind of crap
that you put on the air
simple and free
wish I could be
part of that world

What would I give
if I could live out of this bedroom
think that I might
just spend a night
right on the air

Bet you up there
they let you swear
there's no delay on KPFA
bright young DJ's
in their PJ's
say what they may

They have so much fun at the studio
punchin' in callers and cue-ing records
talkin' so much on their what's the word
mike

Bet you I'd like
to take a hike
or even ride up there
on my bike

I could be me
and I could be
part of that world
Track Name: Semper Subgenius (Parody)
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a Yeti
Church-Air in my veins and my fur is gettin' sheddy
While the plastic-ass pipes spray-paint the Palmerhead
Dogfood Vendors with the beefcake Sudafed
Kill all the Pink-Boys and put it in neutral
Shit happens flamin' in the slag-melted capital
Bobbies in Sherman tired of fightin' the pipe
Got a couple motel rooms, sleep on the floor tonight
Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about
a round trip ticket when it's all gonna end
Why believe anything that ain't nice
When you got Reverend Sterno and The Janor Device?
Just watch the face smiling there in the dark
Burn all your money when they decimate the trailer park

Yo
(I can't do this)

Semper Subgenius
I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Po'Bucker Pantyhose!)

Semper Subgenius
I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me?

Flesh-fryin' saucers in a Barbie-Ken Nightmare
Stark Fist poundin' down the door of the world
Cuz one's got a rant and and the other's got a brag
"Bob"'s on some windowpane and Connie's on the rag
With the radio shows and the backstage blowjobs
Can't get invited to the prairie-squid clusterfuck
Burn to death like a Buddhist priest
Yes-men starvin' at the Subgenius feast
And it's all for those, who fulfill their fate
Trade the cash for the pills for the Bobbies for the hate
And their time is a piece of crap, fallin' down the toilet
With "Bob"'s hand on the handle

Semper Subgenius
I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Habafropzipulops!)

Semper Subgenius
I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me?

"Bob"
Ieieieieieieie!
Track Name: Connie in the Sky (with Dobbsheads) Parody
Picture yourself on July 5th at Brushwood
with Stang on the stage
and G'Broagfran and LIES

Somebody calls you
You answer quite slowly
The girl with the frop in her eyes

Great yacatisma of yellow and green
towering over your head
look for the Puzzling Evidence now
and it's gone

Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads

Oooooooooooohhhhhhh....

Follow her down by a bridge by a mountain
Where mutated people eat habafrop pies
everybody sighs and you float past the NHGH
And Janor's incredibly high

Prarie Squid flaxseed appears on the shore
waiting to take you away
Climb on the saucers that float throught the clouds
and you're gone

Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads

Oooooooooooohhhhhhh....

Picture yourself on a saucer of pleasure
with Pinkboys for slaves of every size
Suddenly someone is there on the planet
the girl with the frop in her eyes

Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads
Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads

Oooooooooooohhhhhhh....

(etc.)
Track Name: Imagine Subgenius (Parody)
Imagine there's no Starbucks
I wonder what you'd do
Can't get an ATM card
and no computers too

Imagine all Subdeenies
Living life in Slack

Imagine there's no modems
and sitcoms on TV
We'd hunker down in mud huts
and take some LSD

You-hoo-hoo-hoo
You may say I'm Subgenius
But I'm not the only one

Got to wonder if I'm really wanting
What I'm losing out on

Imagine no McDonald's
and no Big Mac with Cheese
No email and no voice mail
and no more songs like these

Imagine the Subgenius
life without the Con
You hoo hoo hoo
gotta wonder if I'm really wanting
what I'm losing out on

what I'm losing out on
Track Name: All the Stupid People (short version) Parody
Elian Gonzales
he is the media darling
that they love to see
they watch him go pee

'look at him playing
playing nintendo while
barney's asleep on the floor
let's give him more'

All the stupid people
where do they all come from?
All the stupid people
where do they all belong?

Look at this moron
cutting me off on the freeway
because he can't drive
Here comes George Jr.
constructing sentences badly
while he smirks and grins
will he get in

All the stupid people
where do they all come from?
All the stupid people
where do they all belong?

I look at all the stupid people
I look at all the stupid people

Monica Lewinsky
down on her knees in an office
that's oval in shape
they have her on tape

Limbaugh and Laura
turning it into a radio moral crusade
they need to get laid

All the stupid people
where do they all come from?
All the stupid people
where do they all belong?
Track Name: "Bob"'s Way (Original 1998 Version) Parody
And now the end is near
we sit and face the final curtain
"Bob" Dobbs will fuck them good
their pink bright butts
will soon be hurtin'

We lived a life that's full
we didn't go the pink boy job way
but more, much more than this
we did it "Bob"'s way

Regrets, we had a few
but then again too few to mention
we'll cleave their world in two
and blast off to the x-dimension

"Bob"'s pipe is stiff and hard
and it will smite then here on X-Day
he'll pulverize their little world
and do it "Bob"'s way

Oh there were times
you often knew
the Pink boys beat us black and blue
but through it all we didn't stop
we took the pills and smoked the frop

We faced the con and we moved on
and did it "Bob"'s way

Oh sure at times we cried
but they'll be the ones we'll be abusing
until the last Pink boy has died
I'm sure we'll find it quite amusing

to think we'll do all that
from Bangor, Maine down to Zimbabwe
oh no
oh no not us
we'll do it "Bob"'s way

for what is a Sub
what has he got

if not some slack then he has not
to say the things
he truly feels
and not the words
of those who'll kneel
the record shows
we dealt the blows
and did it "Bob"'s way
Track Name: Tubshitting Moron (Parody)
I shit in the hot tub
at X-Day that year
It took many gallons
to make it all clear
Now the saucers
have left me
I'm stranded
right here

A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be
A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be

I shit the tub
and made everyone sick
by trying just to fart once
and letting her rip
now I'm stranded in Brushwood
Left holding my dick

A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be
A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be

I used to play
with the Date Rapist's band
but the Xists they came
and destroyed the whole land
Now I'm stuck in a world
without slack I can't stand

A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be
A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be

When they've tortured and burned you
til your ass is red
the Xists will stomp you and rip off your head
then they'll shit down your neck stump
and leave you for dead

A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be
A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be

You wish you were on
planet X with the mob
but first, you must learn
to smile just like "Bob"
so you just sit there in
the brown water and sob

A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be
A tubshitting moron
is nothing to be

If you want to be an asshole
then just follow me
Track Name: "Bob" (Parody)
Here with my "Bob"
I feel safest of all
I can light up my pipe
It's the only way to live
Praise "Bob"

Here with my "Bob"
I receive lots of slack
I can listen to Stang
It keeps me stable for days
Praise "Bob"

"Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob" etc.

Here with my "Bob"
Where my brain cells break down
Will you visit me please?
If I give you some frop
Praise "Bob"

Here with my "Bob"
I just stare at his face
my brain in deep outer space
I can be all alone with "Bob"

"Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob" etc.
Track Name: Empty Chair (Parody)
Talking to an empty chair
Romney sucks, but I don't care
Wonder what it's doing there

What do I see 'cross the way?, hey
Go ahead now, make my day, ah
Barack's not there, I'm afraid, aw
Can almost make out his face, aw yeah

Kind of dumb, but I don't care
Republicans are everywhere
Staring at the empty chair

Maybe I made a mistake, hey
Dark hair has now turned to gray, oh
This whole routine's a mistake, hey
Phony and stupid and fake, oh

I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...

Lost my mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I...

Get off my lawn, go away, hey
I'm really old, look away, oh
Barack's not there anyway, hey

*** guitar solo

Senility is not a phase
Old folks home's is where I'll graze
Hollywood is far away

Kind of think my brain is fried, hey
News Pundits saying I died, oh
Feel kind of stupid inside, hey
Roger Ebert almost cried, aww

I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...
I don't mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...

Lost my mind, yeah
I don't mind, I-I-I...
Can't find it anywhere
I don't mind, I-I-I...
Track Name: Psychedelic Gefilte Fish ('Hey Joe' Parody)
Hey Jew
Where you going with that Talmud in your hand?

I'm going to down to the temple
then I'm going to have some gefilte fish with my cousin, Stan

Hey Jew
I heard you chowed down on gefilte fish
It was yummy!
Track Name: Unfriend Me Now (Parody)
Attention Attention! I'm putting you ALL on notice. If ANYBODY on my Facebook friends list ever EVER disagrees with ANYTHING I have to say at any time? They can unfriend me right friggen NOW. How dare you? I will not tolerate intolerance, you unbelievably rotten scum-sucking piece of reeking, putrescent pond filth.

If you can't handle that, then you can just... Unfriend me... now.

Unfriend me now, if we disagree
Unfriend me now, if you're not just like me
Though I won't tell you this face to face
Our online friendship it has gone to waste,
so unfriend me now, just let me be.

Unfriend me now, you SHOULD just let me go
Unfriend me now, CUZ we ain't buddies no mo'
You go and comment on a post of mine
And you take issue with what I find
Just unfriend me now, immediately

If you like Trump, and dislike Hillary
Then you'll be dumped, categorically
Unfriend me now, be on your way
I never really liked you that much anyway

Unfriend me now, get off my Facebook page
Unfriend me now, you're filling me up with rage
If you're at odds with anything I wrote
If you're not voting how I plan to vote
Just unfriend me now, seriously...

Yes unfriend me now if you don't believe in... global warming, gay marriage, Obamacare, vaccines, the dangers of flurodiation, Alex Jones, false-flag operations, gun control, the second law of thermodynamics, if you don't fucking love science, our lord Jesus Christ, or if you don't think that all lives matter, or if you just don't like cats (meow).

Unfriend me now. You're dead to me!

And if you're voting for that Bernie guy
I hope your testes shrivel up and die
If you don't like the things I like
Just hit the road Jack go take a hike

Unfriend me now, you don't go my way
Unfriend me now, I don't like what you say

Differing opinions really upset me

just go find another place to be
and unfriend me now just set me free

Just set me free
Just set me free
Just set me free
Just set me free
Track Name: Unelectable (Parody)
Unelectable
that's what you are
Unelectable
can't win by far

Everything we've seen
when it comes to you
Only means that you
haven't got a clue

Never before
has someone been more

Unelectable
in every way
And you won't get in
election day

In all the polls
you're quite undetectable
Dropping out now
would not be regrettable
You are such an
incredible fool

Stupid statements montage:

Admiral Stockdale
Mitt Romney
Al Gore
Donald Trump
Howard Dean
Jeb Bush

Unelectable
in every way
And you just won't win
election day

Your stupid words
are quite indefensible
and all your deeds beyond
reprehensible

It's quite clear you're
a most incredible tool

(toilet flushes)
Track Name: I Can't Fap to That (NSFW Parody)
Grannies in bondage
sniffing jockey shorts
Siamese triplets, with cleft palletes,
playing watersports

Lactating pregnant clowns
humping bread dough
Guys getting hit in the balls
with a yo-yo

yeah
Now.. I- I-- I'll watch anything
that you want me tooooo
yeah and I- I'll
pass on most anything
that you want me tooo yeah

But I can't fap to that
no-oh no can do
No, I can't fap to that
no- no can do
(etc.)

(sounds of keyboard)

Jehovah witnesses
fist-fucked with lard
Women with high heels
stomping on the gas pedal hard

Fan fiction porn about
Joe Piscopo
Santa Claus getting spanked
and saying 'ho ho ho'

yeah
I-- I-- I'll click anything
that you want me tooooo
yeah and I-- I'll
look up most anything
that you want me tooo yeah

But I can't fap to that
no- no can do
No I can't fap to that
(etc.)

(sounds of keyboard)

"Oh my god, let's see what we got here...
Ugh! Jesus. Oh, what is that? Squid?
But she's--she's not going to put it-- oh my god,
Oh my god, there's a whole bunch of these..."

(sounds of keyboard)

yeah
I-- I-- I'll click anything
that you want me tooooo
yeah and I-- I-- I'll
look up most anything
that you want me tooo yeah

But I can't fap to that
no-oh no can do
No I can't fap to that (etc.)
no ooh
no can do

(sounds of keyboard)
Track Name: Nobody Home (2017 Updated Version) Parody
I got a Windows PC with my porn in
Got a case that I keep my Android phone in
Sometimes I use my Facebook account to
automatically login

I got elastic bands tying my man bun
Got those carpal-tunnel blues
I got ten hundred million and
thirteen subreddits to choose from

I drink electrolytes
They keep me pretty psyched
I got Amazon Prime didn't cost me a dime on the gift card
(and if you wanna know)
Ooooh babe but when you try to phone
It goes straight to my voicemail
just like there's nobody's home

I've got the obligatory low count sperm
and the inevitable un-watered fern
and all that I'm wearing is my
Roger Waters concert t-shirt
(Thanks Keith)
I got sticky vape goo on my fingers
for my... lower back pain
Got an ergonomic chair that goes
with my wireless keyboard

My stacks of bitcoins reach up to the sky
when I've got a strong urge to fly
I just log right in to the Second Life world
and take off

Ooooh babe, but when you try to phone
it goes straight to my voicemail
just like there's nobody's home

I think my mouse has got a short
I better call up tech support