Phinny Sings! (Covers and Parodies)

by Phineas Narco

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ain't got no teeth but I need something to chew so guess what I did do--I had some jello I had some gum some soup and pudding too but I'm just someone who likes to eat jello I ate so much my belly started to hurt I threw up on my shirt and it was all jello I love to pierce the chewy skin on top it's fun to poke it and to make it pop do you know, you know I love it so I love my jello so I went to see The Dead Kennedys The singer happened to be named Jello went to see the women's wrestling and they were wrestling in jello Later that night, the waiter said to me 'maybe you'd like to try some raspberry' I said 'no thanks, I'll have the strawberry' But he just looked at me (Booper solo) I went to sleep my stomach full of goo and then I woke up to more jello I have it for my lunch and dinner too Oh nothing else will do....
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On my meds again I really need to get on my meds again my manic spells are losing me all of my friends and I can't wait to get on my meds again On my meds again I've been places that I've never been gotta take my Zyprexa and my Klonopin and I can't wait to get on my meds again On my meds again Cuz when I go off them I go down the highway I'm at odds and ends with strangers should be going my way and they all say On your meds again You really need to get on your meds again Maybe when you do we can make some amends Get on your meds again (pill bottle shaking) On my meds again Cuz when I go off them I go down the highway I'm at odds and ends with strangers should be going my way and they all say On your meds again Gotta stop smokin' that brown Mexican Maybe when you do we can just start again But for right now, get on your meds again
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Talk (Cover) 04:18
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I wanna live with a cynical girl I could be happy the rest of my life With a cynical girl She sneers at the news casts that run in the night And jeers at the people who live in the limelight My cynical girl Voting to her is a big waste of time The joiners and savers are out of their minds For my cynical girl Corrupt politicians in it for themselves The businessmen don't care 'bout nobody else But my cynical girl Wow, is she jaded now time has made her somehow I guess she'll move to France If she ever gets the chance Yeah Yeah Yeah!
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Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie At least all his people tell him so And while he thinks that she's a very special lady It's probably not the way he'd choose to go But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction Good thing that he's not gay anymore Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise Tom Cruise is always getting older He knows he'll never be that young again And when Tom Cruise looks back over his shoulder He sees a thousand younger leading men He knows someday he'll have to play An old, retarded grandpa While someone younger plays his sexy son Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise Tom Cruise hopes somewhere there's a place for him Because he's not of this world anymore Somewhere in some secluded castle Poor Tom Cruise sits staring at the wall And the outside world is always such a hassle Sometimes he won't go out at all There are millions who know his name Everybody loves him Why is it that he feels so alone? Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy Just be glad it's him, not you If you had Tom Cruise's troubles You might be Tom Cruise crazy, too You'd flash your big white shiny smile And buy expensive shoes But you'd be the only man on Earth who couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise, oh no You couldn't enjoy Tom Cruise
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Come, you RIAA You that sue all the sites You that tear down the torrents You that fight dirty fights You that haven't got gonads You that cease and desist I just want you to know We are going to resist You that never done nothin' But your lawyers employ to stop us from file-sharing You your minions deploy You put a suit in my mailbox and you take me to court 'less I pay I the money you try to extort Like Ulrich of old Napsterizing your greed Slithering through the courtrooms Sowing your evil seed You send out your subpoenas to the children in schools you're a cowardly pack of goddamn little fools Let me ask you one question are the settlements good? does it make us by cd's as you wish that it would? I think you will find When your law bills come due that they'll never be covered by all the people you sue And I hope you go broke And you'll file bankruptcy as your towers of power collapse into the sea and your old business models sink into their death bed and you forever in hell give Justin Bieber head
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Her face is pretty old It looks like two eggs, fried and though this may sound cold she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes She'll turn those glass-balls on you and you'll have to look twice they're bulging out right at you she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes She looks mellow, cheeks are sallow, like that Reservoir Dogs fellow looks like E.T. when she blinks she looks like meatballs in linguini All her boyfriends say she looks high she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes She'll let you take her home she won't put up a fight but when she takes her shades off she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes And her eyelids look like hemorrhoids Yes, she needs to check her thyroid Looks atrocious and she knows just what it takes to make us nauseous All the doctors think she will die she's got Steve Buscemi Eyes
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All around me on the TV stations air-brushed faces, cute catch-phrases latest gizmos, latest fashion statements come from nowhere, going nowhere latest social network meeting places not in person, not in person can't keep track of all the trends to follow here today and gone tomorrow and I guess it makes me happy though it sometimes make me sad I heard that last night's ratings were the best they've ever had just search for it on youtube we can watch it at your pad It's the latest thing to check out in this very very fad world fad world Did you see the biggest film last weekend? made a million, made ten million got an iPhone, I was first in line when they came out with the new version walk around and listen to my iPod makes me feel good, makes me feel good Got an email pic of Britney's crotch once made me sport wood, made me sport wood And perhaps it's kind of cheesy and perhaps it's kind of sad when they come out with Shrek 4 I'm gonna see it with my dad Did you see the Star Trek reboot? the new Spock is not that bad but what passes here for culture is a very, very fad world, fad world mediocre world fad world
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Well bless my soul what's wrong with me? I took some crank and some LSD I drank port wine from a big brown jug I'm on drugs, I'm all fucked up Mmmmm hmmm hey hey Well, my hands are shaky and my knees are weak The smack I shot is about to peak I think I need to have my stomach pumped I'm on drugs, I'm all fucked up Mmmmm hmmm hey hey Well, please don't ask me what I hear and see Cuz there's a big brown sausage and it's talkin' to me Well I sweat and I think 'if I forget to breathe my heart will stop and all my fans will grieve' Well I took 12 pills so I could come on down I even drank a six pack of Royal Crown and then I ate a Reese's peanut butter cup I took drugs I'm all fucked up Well my tongue gets swollen and my eyes bug out I don't even know what the hell I'm talkin' about There's only one cure that will ease my mind I'm gonna take a big crap on that porceline of mine Well it touched my butt and what a chill I got my heart seized up from an old blood clot whoever'd a thought this is where I'd drop I took drugs (Heart attack) I'm all fucked up
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Look at this room full of neat stuff can you tell me how much stuff is enough? wouldn't you think I"m the guy guy who has everything? Look at this room, treasures untold how much equipment can one bedroom hold? Lookin' around here you'd think 'Sure, he's got everything' I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty I've got whozits and whatzits galore You want reverb machines? I've got twenty But who cares? No big deal I want more I wanna play at KPFA I wanna be wanna be there mixin' playin' around with those what do you call them? Oh, carts! I wanna be up there by the Bay I've got some shows that I'm fixin' up now mixin' it up with that hip crowd of liberal farts Wanna be there cuz they don't care what kind of crap that you put on the air simple and free wish I could be part of that world What would I give if I could live out of this bedroom think that I might just spend a night right on the air Bet you up there they let you swear there's no delay on KPFA bright young DJ's in their PJ's say what they may They have so much fun at the studio punchin' in callers and cue-ing records talkin' so much on their what's the word mike Bet you I'd like to take a hike or even ride up there on my bike I could be me and I could be part of that world
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In the time of chimpanzees, I was a Yeti Church-Air in my veins and my fur is gettin' sheddy While the plastic-ass pipes spray-paint the Palmerhead Dogfood Vendors with the beefcake Sudafed Kill all the Pink-Boys and put it in neutral Shit happens flamin' in the slag-melted capital Bobbies in Sherman tired of fightin' the pipe Got a couple motel rooms, sleep on the floor tonight Someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about a round trip ticket when it's all gonna end Why believe anything that ain't nice When you got Reverend Sterno and The Janor Device? Just watch the face smiling there in the dark Burn all your money when they decimate the trailer park Yo (I can't do this) Semper Subgenius I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me? (Po'Bucker Pantyhose!) Semper Subgenius I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me? Flesh-fryin' saucers in a Barbie-Ken Nightmare Stark Fist poundin' down the door of the world Cuz one's got a rant and and the other's got a brag "Bob"'s on some windowpane and Connie's on the rag With the radio shows and the backstage blowjobs Can't get invited to the prairie-squid clusterfuck Burn to death like a Buddhist priest Yes-men starvin' at the Subgenius feast And it's all for those, who fulfill their fate Trade the cash for the pills for the Bobbies for the hate And their time is a piece of crap, fallin' down the toilet With "Bob"'s hand on the handle Semper Subgenius I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me? (Habafropzipulops!) Semper Subgenius I'm Subgenius, baby, so why don't you kill me? "Bob" Ieieieieieieie!
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Picture yourself on July 5th at Brushwood with Stang on the stage and G'Broagfran and LIES Somebody calls you You answer quite slowly The girl with the frop in her eyes Great yacatisma of yellow and green towering over your head look for the Puzzling Evidence now and it's gone Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Oooooooooooohhhhhhh.... Follow her down by a bridge by a mountain Where mutated people eat habafrop pies everybody sighs and you float past the NHGH And Janor's incredibly high Prarie Squid flaxseed appears on the shore waiting to take you away Climb on the saucers that float throught the clouds and you're gone Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Oooooooooooohhhhhhh.... Picture yourself on a saucer of pleasure with Pinkboys for slaves of every size Suddenly someone is there on the planet the girl with the frop in her eyes Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Connie in the sky with Dobbsheads Oooooooooooohhhhhhh.... (etc.)
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Imagine there's no Starbucks I wonder what you'd do Can't get an ATM card and no computers too Imagine all Subdeenies Living life in Slack Imagine there's no modems and sitcoms on TV We'd hunker down in mud huts and take some LSD You-hoo-hoo-hoo You may say I'm Subgenius But I'm not the only one Got to wonder if I'm really wanting What I'm losing out on Imagine no McDonald's and no Big Mac with Cheese No email and no voice mail and no more songs like these Imagine the Subgenius life without the Con You hoo hoo hoo gotta wonder if I'm really wanting what I'm losing out on what I'm losing out on
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Elian Gonzales he is the media darling that they love to see they watch him go pee 'look at him playing playing nintendo while barney's asleep on the floor let's give him more' All the stupid people where do they all come from? All the stupid people where do they all belong? Look at this moron cutting me off on the freeway because he can't drive Here comes George Jr. constructing sentences badly while he smirks and grins will he get in All the stupid people where do they all come from? All the stupid people where do they all belong? I look at all the stupid people I look at all the stupid people Monica Lewinsky down on her knees in an office that's oval in shape they have her on tape Limbaugh and Laura turning it into a radio moral crusade they need to get laid All the stupid people where do they all come from? All the stupid people where do they all belong?
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And now the end is near we sit and face the final curtain "Bob" Dobbs will fuck them good their pink bright butts will soon be hurtin' We lived a life that's full we didn't go the pink boy job way but more, much more than this we did it "Bob"'s way Regrets, we had a few but then again too few to mention we'll cleave their world in two and blast off to the x-dimension "Bob"'s pipe is stiff and hard and it will smite then here on X-Day he'll pulverize their little world and do it "Bob"'s way Oh there were times you often knew the Pink boys beat us black and blue but through it all we didn't stop we took the pills and smoked the frop We faced the con and we moved on and did it "Bob"'s way Oh sure at times we cried but they'll be the ones we'll be abusing until the last Pink boy has died I'm sure we'll find it quite amusing to think we'll do all that from Bangor, Maine down to Zimbabwe oh no oh no not us we'll do it "Bob"'s way for what is a Sub what has he got if not some slack then he has not to say the things he truly feels and not the words of those who'll kneel the record shows we dealt the blows and did it "Bob"'s way
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I shit in the hot tub at X-Day that year It took many gallons to make it all clear Now the saucers have left me I'm stranded right here A tubshitting moron is nothing to be A tubshitting moron is nothing to be I shit the tub and made everyone sick by trying just to fart once and letting her rip now I'm stranded in Brushwood Left holding my dick A tubshitting moron is nothing to be A tubshitting moron is nothing to be I used to play with the Date Rapist's band but the Xists they came and destroyed the whole land Now I'm stuck in a world without slack I can't stand A tubshitting moron is nothing to be A tubshitting moron is nothing to be When they've tortured and burned you til your ass is red the Xists will stomp you and rip off your head then they'll shit down your neck stump and leave you for dead A tubshitting moron is nothing to be A tubshitting moron is nothing to be You wish you were on planet X with the mob but first, you must learn to smile just like "Bob" so you just sit there in the brown water and sob A tubshitting moron is nothing to be A tubshitting moron is nothing to be If you want to be an asshole then just follow me
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Here with my "Bob" I feel safest of all I can light up my pipe It's the only way to live Praise "Bob" Here with my "Bob" I receive lots of slack I can listen to Stang It keeps me stable for days Praise "Bob" "Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob" etc. Here with my "Bob" Where my brain cells break down Will you visit me please? If I give you some frop Praise "Bob" Here with my "Bob" I just stare at his face my brain in deep outer space I can be all alone with "Bob" "Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob""Bob" etc.
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Talking to an empty chair Romney sucks, but I don't care Wonder what it's doing there What do I see 'cross the way?, hey Go ahead now, make my day, ah Barack's not there, I'm afraid, aw Can almost make out his face, aw yeah Kind of dumb, but I don't care Republicans are everywhere Staring at the empty chair Maybe I made a mistake, hey Dark hair has now turned to gray, oh This whole routine's a mistake, hey Phony and stupid and fake, oh I don't mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... I don't mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... Lost my mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... Can't find it anywhere I don't mind, I-I-I... Get off my lawn, go away, hey I'm really old, look away, oh Barack's not there anyway, hey *** guitar solo Senility is not a phase Old folks home's is where I'll graze Hollywood is far away Kind of think my brain is fried, hey News Pundits saying I died, oh Feel kind of stupid inside, hey Roger Ebert almost cried, aww I don't mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... I don't mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... Lost my mind, yeah I don't mind, I-I-I... Can't find it anywhere I don't mind, I-I-I...
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Hey Jew Where you going with that Talmud in your hand? I'm going to down to the temple then I'm going to have some gefilte fish with my cousin, Stan Hey Jew I heard you chowed down on gefilte fish It was yummy!
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Attention Attention! I'm putting you ALL on notice. If ANYBODY on my Facebook friends list ever EVER disagrees with ANYTHING I have to say at any time? They can unfriend me right friggen NOW. How dare you? I will not tolerate intolerance, you unbelievably rotten scum-sucking piece of reeking, putrescent pond filth. If you can't handle that, then you can just... Unfriend me... now. Unfriend me now, if we disagree Unfriend me now, if you're not just like me Though I won't tell you this face to face Our online friendship it has gone to waste, so unfriend me now, just let me be. Unfriend me now, you SHOULD just let me go Unfriend me now, CUZ we ain't buddies no mo' You go and comment on a post of mine And you take issue with what I find Just unfriend me now, immediately If you like Trump, and dislike Hillary Then you'll be dumped, categorically Unfriend me now, be on your way I never really liked you that much anyway Unfriend me now, get off my Facebook page Unfriend me now, you're filling me up with rage If you're at odds with anything I wrote If you're not voting how I plan to vote Just unfriend me now, seriously... Yes unfriend me now if you don't believe in... global warming, gay marriage, Obamacare, vaccines, the dangers of flurodiation, Alex Jones, false-flag operations, gun control, the second law of thermodynamics, or if you don't fucking love science, our lord Jesus Christ, or if you don't think that all lives matter, or if you just don't like cats (meow). Unfriend me now. You're dead to me! And if you're voting for that Bernie guy I hope your testes shrivel up and die If you don't like the things I like Just hit the road Jack go take a hike Unfriend me now, you don't go my way Unfriend me now, I don't like what you say Differing opinions really upset me just go find another place to be and unfriend me now just set me free Just set me free Just set me free Just set me free Just set me free
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Unelectable that's what you are Unelectable can't win by far Everything we've seen when it comes to you Only means that you haven't got a clue Never before has someone been more Unelectable in every way And you won't get in election day In all the polls you're quite undetectable Dropping out now would not be regrettable You are such an incredible fool Stupid statements montage: Admiral Stockdale Mitt Romney Al Gore Donald Trump Howard Dean Jeb Bush Unelectable in every way And you just won't win election day Your stupid words are quite indefensible and all your deeds beyond reprehensible It's quite clear you're a most incredible tool (toilet flushes)
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Grannies in bondage sniffing jockey shorts Siamese triplets, with cleft palletes, playing watersports Lactating pregnant clowns humping bread dough Guys getting hit in the balls with a yo-yo yeah Now.. I- I-- I'll watch anything that you want me tooooo yeah and I- I'll pass on most anything that you want me tooo yeah But I can't fap to that no-oh no can do No, I can't fap to that no- no can do (etc.) (sounds of keyboard) Jehovah witnesses fist-fucked with lard Women with high heels stomping on the gas pedal hard Fan fiction porn about Joe Piscopo Santa Claus getting spanked and saying 'ho ho ho' yeah I-- I-- I'll click anything that you want me tooooo yeah and I-- I'll look up most anything that you want me tooo yeah But I can't fap to that no- no can do No I can't fap to that (etc.) (sounds of keyboard) "Oh my god, let's see what we got here... Ugh! Jesus. Oh, what is that? Squid? But she's--she's not going to put it-- oh my god, Oh my god, there's a whole bunch of these..." (sounds of keyboard) yeah I-- I-- I'll click anything that you want me tooooo yeah and I-- I-- I'll look up most anything that you want me tooo yeah But I can't fap to that no-oh no can do No I can't fap to that (etc.) no ooh no can do (sounds of keyboard)
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I got a Windows PC with my porn in Got a case that I keep my Android phone in Sometimes I use my Facebook account to automatically login I got elastic bands tying my man bun Got those carpal-tunnel blues I got ten hundred million and thirteen subreddits to choose from I drink electrolytes They keep me pretty psyched I got Amazon Prime didn't cost me a dime on the gift card (and if you wanna know) Ooooh babe but when you try to phone It goes straight to my voicemail just like there's nobody's home I've got the obligatory low count sperm and the inevitable un-watered fern and all that I'm wearing is my Roger Waters concert t-shirt (Thanks Keith) I got sticky vape goo on my fingers for my... lower back pain Got an ergonomic chair that goes with my wireless keyboard My stacks of bitcoins reach up to the sky when I've got a strong urge to fly I just log right in to the Second Life world and take off Ooooh babe, but when you try to phone it goes straight to my voicemail just like there's nobody's home I think my mouse has got a short I better call up tech support

about

Phineas sings (mostly) without auto-tune. These are the best copies of all Phinny's cover and parody songs.

These are more or less meant to be humorous.

Some of the songs relate to Subgenius. For more information on Subgenius and X-Day go to www.sugenius.com.

If you wish to donate to our ministry you can go to nationalcynical.com/donate or become a patreon at patreon.com/nationalcynical or consider entering in a dollar amount for this program which goes back into the project.

All derived material in this program is used fairly, accredited, and transformed (remixed / fragmented / re-contextualized / re-worked) for the purpose of education, cultural reference, and to artistically capture the cultural conversation about the subject matter during the time of this program's creation.

This researched program is the result of an artistic and creative process, which can be documented, and is meant to be heard, and taken in its entirety. Payment is not a prerequisite fee in exchange for content in order to get this package but is considered a voluntary donation toward supporting the creative work and expense behind the program.

Thank you for listening, and thank you for your support.

credits

released August 29, 2012

Phineas Narco; Various

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The National Cynical Network San Jose, California

The National Cynical Network (NCN) is a long-running, SF Bay Area alternate programming media remix project. It originally consisted of a trio of SF Bay-Area based radio collage artists: Phineas Narco, Ronald Redball and Alexander T. Newport. NCN seeks to play *with* music , using sound, and video media samples in the process of media collage or 'mediage'. ... more

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